My academic journey is a long, winding tale of exploration, missed steps, discovery, and serendipity. In some ways, it is a story of a great deal of triumph and perseverance. In others, a story of mistakes and failure. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t view any of my journey as ‘failure’ because each chapter of that story has taught me a lot about my character. Along the way, I’ve learned a few things that I’d like to share with you here.
How I got here…
There’s a part of me that is a bit apprehensive about making my story public, but truthfully it isn’t something I wouldn’t be honest about in an interview of any sort.
My post-secondary journey starts with a miraculous acceptance to my dream university, McGill University. I say miraculous because it came literally on the day I had given up and said that I’d accept another offer of admission. I was overjoyed. As a naïve 17 year old (my birthday being in November) I set off to study science in hopes of one day getting into medical school. These dreams quickly came to a halt when I was no longer the high achieving academic I once was in high school – a story that is not uncommon among young students at these post-secondary institutions. Mind you, I still had an ample amount of ambition. I just did not know what that ambition was for. I switched majors after my second year from Environmental Health Sciences (it was actually called something like ‘social and environmental determinants of health’) to Chemistry (after having awesome professors for Organic Chemistry I and II – yes, a unicorn in that I actually enjoyed orgo). I loved chemistry and even had an amazing opportunity to work for several years in a lab doing synthesis and research. While I loved being in the lab, I hated being in the classroom/library. So, as I spent more and more time in the lab rather than the library, my skills as a chemist were improving while my skills as a student sharply declined.
I graduated from this program – a year later since I had to take more pre-requisite courses – without much of a plan for what I would do. I had thoughts of pursuing a career in pharmacy or patent law, but neither were because I truly wanted to do it. Circumstances had given me time to think about next steps, and the only thing I could think of was something related to economics or finance. I thought that I would greatly benefit from learning something about these even if I don’t end up pursuing those things as a career – though at the time I had thought maybe that was the career for me. With some help, I was able to find post-baccalaureate programs in the US that accepted international students and was able to get accepted to the Graduate Foundations program at Columbia University (now under the School of Professional Studies). Here I was able to basically condense the core undergraduate economics courses into a year, while also spending some time once again figuring out next steps. I had applied to Master of Economics programs here and there still thinking that this was the career plan. But, the professor of a ‘statistics for economics’ class that I had taken had recognized that I had a knack for statistics. He suggested that I apply for the Quantitative Methods in Social Sciences (QMSS) Master’s program at Columbia, and with the help of his awesome reference letter was accepted.
From here, my story takes a bit of a turn. I rushed through the program thinking that I was running out of time to figure out my life (I was 24/25 at the time) and had exclusively searched for full-time, long term positions within the US. This, of course, was not the best idea. And so, I ended up once again without much of a future path. My – admittedly self-imposed – struggles had led to yet again pursuing more school. At the time, I had a fascination with data science and it was noted to me that many actuaries were leaders in data science. So, I ended up pursuing actuarial science at the University of Illinois at Urbana Champaign. It is here that my journey would be at its most turbulent.
Long before I attended UIUC, I had struggled with my mental health and wellness. A battle I had long ignored and have ignored periodically since. But after feeling dejected and demoralized from not having been able to secure a position after my first graduate degree, I was truly at my lowest point. I questioned my value and my worth, and my situation was a constant reminder that I was not good enough. Even though I had attended therapy, it was just another thing reminding me that I’m not well. My mental health was declining and so too did my physical health. My academics? The worst they’ve ever been. I withdrew from the program to heal.
I take pause here to mention that the actuarial science program at UIUC is one of the best in the world and I am actually so proud to have had the chance to attend even for a brief moment.
This chapter in my life is not without any successes. I was able to study for and pass exam P from the Society of Actuaries list of exams. And I was able to still learn quite a bit of material that I still use today such as survival analysis. The time I took to recover had allowed me to remind myself of my values and the things that I found joy in. I loved to teach, I loved statistics, I loved to help people, and I found medical sciences truly interesting. That’s when I remembered a friend from McGill that was pursuing a PhD in Biostatistics. I knew very little of the field and so I consulted a professor of biostatistics at University of Waterloo. After a fruitful conversation about my interests, my journey thus far, and some frustrations he had suggested that I look into the field of Epidemiology. And that brings us to the present. I finished my Master’s in Epidemiology and Biostatistics at Western University and am entering my second year as a PhD candidate here.
Lessons learned…
If you’ve made it this far, thank you from the bottom of my heart for listening to my story. As I mentioned before, depending on the point of view it can be taken as a triumphant hero’s journey or one of the meandering wisp floating along without aim. Personally, I see it as a bit of both which in fact I see as one particular strength in my journey. Let me share some of the things I’ve learned along this path. Maybe they’re obvious to you, maybe they are things that you need to be reminded of, maybe they are things you’ve never really thought of before. Whatever the case may be, I hope there’s something here that might be helpful to you in your journey.
1. Success cannot come at the sacrifice of yourself…
Whatever your definition of success is, I’ve learned that no amount of it is worth sacrificing yourself for. And this is not to say that there isn’t an amount of sacrifice needed for success. What I mean is that there is no point in succeeding if you lose yourself in the process. This is something that I admittedly struggle with, but it’s good to remind ourselves of this now and again.
2. Take your time…
This could be the most important takeaway from my whole journey. Don’t rush into things just because you feel pressure to do something. It is always better to take the time necessary to really find your path rather than rushing into one that does not resonate with you. This isn’t to say that you should be stalled into inaction because you’re unsure though! Just that you shouldn’t go down a path for the sole reason that you ‘need to do something’.
3. Take time to explore…
If you’re one of the those people who are steadfast in their mission and have always known what they wanted as a career, awesome! I admire and respect you. For those of us who were never really sure and our interests are vast, you should embrace this to the fullest. Take the time to explore these interests in one way or another. This could be a point on it’s own, but truly the world is interconnected. As such, there are transferrable knowledge and skills between fields of study. In other words, no matter how vast and broad you think your interests are, there are always ways that these relate to one another. You most valuable asset in academics is your ability to think. As your explore your different interests, your thinking becomes more unique to you and it truly becomes a superpower whatever you end up choosing as your ultimate field of study.
4. Discuss, collaborate, chat, interact…
This brings me to my next point. I had always been under the impression that learning was done in the classroom. Throughout my journey – especially in graduate school – I quickly learned that actually only a fraction of learning is from within a lecture setting. Most of your learning actually happens as you discuss and interact with the people around you. Whether that be with faculty outside of class or your classmates talking about what you had just seen in class. The more you’re able to have those interactions (through whatever means) the more you learn. You get to experience other peoples’ points of view and you get to see how they think about certain things. You then figure out what things work for you, and what things don’t, further solidifying your own understanding and opinions. Remember, though, to always act with kindness, respect, and open-mindedness.
5. Enjoy your time…
My last lesson is one that I had never really put a lot of thought into until very recently. But it’s one that I would have benefited from – and did benefit from to some extent – earlier in my academic journey. Enjoy the time you’re spending doing all the things I mentioned previously. And if you ever find yourself not enjoying your time, then it could be (not always) a sign that maybe this particular path isn’t for you. Don’t force the enjoyment either! Either you enjoy doing what you’re doing, or you don’t and you move on. Simple no? (Haha, this is of course much easier said than done).
Final Thoughts…
I hope these lessons help you as much as they’ve helped me. The world is vast and finding our place in it can sometimes seem like a gargantuan task. A friendly reminder that you are enough, you are where you should be, and you are doing an amazing job at being you. Thank you listening!
Simply, Stevely. 